So, you're eating healthier, working out regularly, drinking more water, taking more time to rest, dropped off the alcohol binging and you've even dabbled at meditation...BUT you're still not feeling that great and this may be why...
The way you talk about yourself to yourself and to others MATTERS! Guys, this is a really big deal and there is science to back it up.
A light bulb moment for me on my own healing journey was when I realised the way I was talking about myself to myself and to others was having a direct impact on the way I was feeling, everything that was going on in my body, the actions I took, the kind of support I received, the way I was treated and ultimately, my recovery. It literally was impacting every single thing and was my major barrier to moving forwards.
I thought I was doing everything I could. I went plant-based, I cut out sugar, processed foods and alcohol, I did yoga and meditation daily, I was well-hydrated, I engaged in detox methods, I threw out all my toxic skin care and household products and I noticed huge changes but there was something missing.
I had experienced break outs on my skin since my teenage years and although my skin was clearing more than it ever had, the pimples were still popping up and I didn’t feel that great about myself. I was making massive changes in my life and yes I was proud of myself for that, however I didn’t love and accept myself in my current situation. How could I?
I felt like I had let myself down from all those years of binge drinking and eating processed foods and I was convinced I couldn’t be happy in my own skin until my pimples cleared. I thought “Okay, once my pimples clear, then I will be happy, then I will feel good and then I can be confident”.
But the universe had a different plan for me. My skin was the last thing to heal. My bowel movements improved, my seasonal hay fever and itchy eyes went away, I no longer required ventolin for asthma, my anxiety reduced and I was no longer experiencing panic attacks. My sleep improved and I didn’t have to rely on sleeping tablets anymore, the puffiness around my face and body went away and I was looking fitter, yet doing less intense exercise…all of these changes blew me away but I was still craving for my skin to clear. It looked clearer but it wasn’t consistently clear. I experienced break outs when I was approaching my monthly cycle and at random times through the month. It was frustrating.
I was upset with the way I looked. I would stare back at myself in the mirror through my tears and think “Why can’t you just heal? Why am I being punished with these pimples?” I would say to others “I have shit skin, I’ve always had it, I’ve tried everything and it still doesn’t clear”. I also convinced myself that other people were also embarrassed about my skin. Any one I dated, I would be thinking “Oh god, they are looking at my skin, it’s so gross”.
It was also a focus of conversation with family and friends when they asked how I was going. They knew I had embarked on this humungous health journey and they wanted to hear about how I was feeling. Yes I focused on the good stuff but I always mentioned about my skin and how it still wasn’t consistently clear. My family would focus on this a lot too. My mum and my grandma. When ever I visited they would always take a close look at my skin because I was always talking about it so much and they felt sorry for me. I made them feel sorry for me because of the way I spoke about it. Because I felt sorry for myself.
This viscous cycle of feeling sorry for myself, talking negatively about my skin to others, repeating critical comments in my head about my skin, convincing myself that I had tried absolutely everything and it seemed my skin was never going to fully clear and also telling myself that I couldn’t be happy or confident in my own skin until my skin was consistently clear…now this was toxic! Fair enough I was detoxing from all the toxic, chemical ridden products, foods, alcohol and tap water I had consumed over the years but I was continuing to feed myself and others with toxic self-talk and this was stopping me from stepping into my full power to heal.
I love Louise Hay’s quote “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens”.
What a powerful quote. I was triggered to reflect and address this issue by a friend who had bought to my attention I didn’t love and accept myself. I began noticing the way I was talking to myself on a day to day basis. It was quite shocking to sit back and observe exactly what Tiff was telling Tiff. I also became aware of how I was speaking to others about myself, my skin and my overall health.
Once I became the observer, I was able to identify the impact it was having on my health and the way I felt about myself and it was time to make changes. This wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen over night but it did happen and you want to know what else happened? My skin became consistently clear. However, it wasn’t until I worked on feeling happier and more confident in my own skin WITH pimples that I began to notice the bigger changes. And I had to change my belief systems around what I thought my body was capable of achieving to open up more space for it to heal.
I have noticed over the years working as an occupational therapist and health coach that many people share this experience with me. People get diagnosed with a chronic disease or are living undiagnosed with a range of symptoms and they are stuck in a detrimental mindset pattern of believing “This is the way things have always been so they are never going to change”. They are also focused on talking about all their symptoms rather than the good things going on in their life.
They go from one health professional to the next seeking guidance and support and having to tell their story over and over again, disempowering them even more. Within the medical model, health professionals are focused on “Tell us what your problems are?” and this adds to the vicious cycle of negative self-talk. Can you relate?
From my own experience and observing others, I am determined to teach others that how we talk about ourselves to ourselves and others matters. Within my “Get Your Life Back” Program, I work with my clients on this topic and teach them ways to firstly become an observer and then become the powerful change maker. I love watching their Wellbeing Warrior mentality develop as they learn how powerful they truly are.
If you can relate to this story then try these journal prompts to get you on your way to firstly becoming an observer:
*Please note, this reflection can be quite confronting and if you have a mental health condition, I encourage you to seek support or reflect on the questions with your psychologist or in the presence of someone you trust.
Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and write down the first few things that come to mind. What do you often tell yourself about yourself?
When someone asks “How are you feeling, how are things going?” What do you often reply?
What do you tell family and friends about your condition/symptoms or disease? Do you find yourself talking about this often? How do you feel after talking about yourself in this way? Does it feel empowering, does it lift you up and give you hope? Or do you feel deflated and disempowered by the language you use?
Do you believe you can change your current state of being? Your ability to manage your condition? Your quality of life? Or do you feel as if you have tried everything and that this is always the way it’s going to be?
When you have finished journaling on these questions, take some time to sit with it. You may wish to try a 5-minute breathing practice with me to ground yourself and assist in releasing what no longer serves you.
Becoming the observer is the first step in changing the language you use.
If you would like to share your experience on this topic with me then I would love to chat with you more.
Thanks for reading
Tiff x